i stepped into Grand Hall with my heart pounding real fast - holding my stationaries in hand, my matric card and water bottle, walking towards the end of the hall to put my bag down.
my eyes were searching for "#428" among hundreds of tables as i walk down the stretch of light gray tables with blue answer booklet on it.
i tried smiling as i saw my friends along the way, i was sitting right at the back of the hall for organisational behaviour paper.
i can see everyone feeling tense but trying to relax themselves while waiting for the invigilator to distribute the exam paper to us.

just after the chief of invigilators finish reading the set of rules for exam, the rest of invigilators started giving out the papers.
my heart pound even faster when i flipped open the question paper.
8 questions in total, 5marks each. 40marks in total.
i was thinking "5marks each, how difficult can it be?" and my mind started reflecting back what my lecturer had told us during the last few lessons...

"your answers for each question has to be a page long at least, with theories learnt applied in it and try to give examples if they asked for. highlight the key points and you will never get wrong."

he's not wrong, but i'm wrong.
i take this exam too lightly, it's all about behaviours in organisations, how are we going to memorise it and apply in exam papers?
i just simply write down all important points i had read from the textbook, and just simply read through again and again, taking note of important points and not the content.
when i flipped the paper open, "FUCK!", i remembered the points that i've learnt, but not the content.
i just simply write the definition which i think is right, and anyhow whack examples into the question.
i tried my best, by writing loads of nonsense in the paper to make it look long. i admit, i admit that i'm just bullshitting throughout the paper.
i was calculating how many marks i need to pass this subject.
15marks, just another 15marks, i will be able to pass this paper. i don't mind just a pass grade.
im feeling really desperate for that 15marks.
i tried all ways to squeeze out any information i remember in my head although it doesn't link to what the question ask, well that's what i think.

"for those who are taking OB, please stop writing. the invigilators will now collect the paper. if anyone who are found that are still writing, your matric number will be recorded down for **toot** (cant remember) purposes."

2hours passed just like that, i feel like i'm taking social studies exam.
i can see smiles from everyone faces.
"they must have done well for this paper." i blame myself for not memorising.
i feel demoralised and hated myself for not putting enough effort in my last paper.
well, what can i do now? everything has ended.
im free, im set free from mugging like hell for 8-9hours everyday.

i thank those friends that have been there to listen to my whinings, and also been encouraging me to stay strong, stay positive and motivates me to study.
i thank carol for sending me up and down to sch from my house anytime when we arrange to study in TP together.
i thank guoliang for the company when i needed a study partner! (though i keep irritating him with my nonsense. haha!)
i thank boyf for being by my side when i broke down for accounting exam. i was panicking then.
i had never have this feeling during poly times.
for once, i tell myself..

"IF i'm able to pass all modules for this semester, im going to study every week for all the subjects i have to learn next semester, i don't want to slack anymore and feel so negative like this. it's fucking shitty."

well, 4th June shall be the day to know all my results.
meanwhile, ENJOY!! :)